Slap a monetary value to something to consider its worth. The more money that the thing is valued for, the more it's worth.
Slap a monetary value to an animal, and it's a pet under your ownership.
Slap a monetary value to someone, and it's prostitution.
But never mind you bought an animal for the sheer enjoyment of it, like you do for an individual for your sexual gains. But everyone decries prostitution, saying it lack morals and valued judgement.
I didn't realize we put a price tag on judgement.
How do you value yourself if you can't do it the way society values everything else, by money?
The most expensive items in the world have the heftiest price tag, but the most important people you can ever meet come with a simple fee: trust, love, and acceptance. Simple of course is debatable, just like you value self-worth. But if you define your moral code and ethics by Love, and not by greed, you'll see the exact displacement of your worth in one reality and how its suddenly placed and worth more in another.
Friday, December 13, 2013
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
The debatable quandary
Here I am, stuck in a quandary.
Is it me, or am I losing my humanity?
I see society and it's expectations
Reaching out to envelope me.
Heart scream, "DON'T FORGET."
Brain reasons, "You need a livelihood.
You need to be able to support your dreams."
"Don't leave just yet," my heart screams.
"To conquer those mountains, you need a job.
To fly to the moon, you need to pay."
Rational Brain says I need to stay.
"Forget the job, just run through the trees.
That sound calling you is the wind rustling the leaves."
Silly old heart loves the autumnal breeze.
Silly ol' heart... And that damn rational brain.
The war inside is the product of society,
Where money via capitalism is the key.
It suppresses by nature and kills all joy,
Reminds you that deviation is the devil,
And that the Church wants you to pray.
But I'm society's prey to be stalked upon
And when will it be okay for me to say:
Nah man. I'm the predator.
Beware, for Hell can't touch me, nor will it want to.
And I'm more than some tamed beast.
I will tear you piece by piece.
Is it me, or am I losing my humanity?
I see society and it's expectations
Reaching out to envelope me.
Heart scream, "DON'T FORGET."
Brain reasons, "You need a livelihood.
You need to be able to support your dreams."
"Don't leave just yet," my heart screams.
"To conquer those mountains, you need a job.
To fly to the moon, you need to pay."
Rational Brain says I need to stay.
"Forget the job, just run through the trees.
That sound calling you is the wind rustling the leaves."
Silly old heart loves the autumnal breeze.
Silly ol' heart... And that damn rational brain.
The war inside is the product of society,
Where money via capitalism is the key.
It suppresses by nature and kills all joy,
Reminds you that deviation is the devil,
And that the Church wants you to pray.
But I'm society's prey to be stalked upon
And when will it be okay for me to say:
Nah man. I'm the predator.
Beware, for Hell can't touch me, nor will it want to.
And I'm more than some tamed beast.
I will tear you piece by piece.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Welcome back, self. Now take a seat and wait patiently.
Resisting without resisting, gosh that's deep, and these past few days, I've been losing sleep.
I'm struggling to find the middle ground for myself. Working a full time and a part time job, while juggling a relationship with my boy of five years, who's now back in school due to my persistent nagging.
A lot has happened in the past few months. I basically tripped face first into some opportunities, that now leave me with four less teeth (wisdom teeth, to be exact). I met some great new people, but I seemed to have alienated a few as well (I don't think I can ever forgive myself for ruining one of the best friendships I had). I hit a mental block with school and work, but now that I've learned two languages, and continue to learn one of two, I have four different tongues constantly jabbering in my head. Which doesn't ease the seven year stint of migraines. Oh, and I wrote my first thing in months, so there is hope for my deadened creativity, maybe it'll arise a zombie, and eat some colorful brains.
But I understand myself better. Which I guess is good. But I still see myself as a work in progress, which we probably all are, but it's hard to convince myself sometimes (most times) that it's all worth it. People feed me such praise, but I wonder if they see through the facade. But like I said, a lot has happened this past year, and that mirror I used to want to smash is starting to have lighter glint to it.
I know this post doesn't follow the typical rhythm of the others, but you shouldn't care. Because you're thoughts are probably aligned with mine: aren't we all feeling a bit out of time? Deep down, we all battle these indiscriminate insecurities... In one form or another.
I'm struggling to find the middle ground for myself. Working a full time and a part time job, while juggling a relationship with my boy of five years, who's now back in school due to my persistent nagging.
A lot has happened in the past few months. I basically tripped face first into some opportunities, that now leave me with four less teeth (wisdom teeth, to be exact). I met some great new people, but I seemed to have alienated a few as well (I don't think I can ever forgive myself for ruining one of the best friendships I had). I hit a mental block with school and work, but now that I've learned two languages, and continue to learn one of two, I have four different tongues constantly jabbering in my head. Which doesn't ease the seven year stint of migraines. Oh, and I wrote my first thing in months, so there is hope for my deadened creativity, maybe it'll arise a zombie, and eat some colorful brains.
But I understand myself better. Which I guess is good. But I still see myself as a work in progress, which we probably all are, but it's hard to convince myself sometimes (most times) that it's all worth it. People feed me such praise, but I wonder if they see through the facade. But like I said, a lot has happened this past year, and that mirror I used to want to smash is starting to have lighter glint to it.
I know this post doesn't follow the typical rhythm of the others, but you shouldn't care. Because you're thoughts are probably aligned with mine: aren't we all feeling a bit out of time? Deep down, we all battle these indiscriminate insecurities... In one form or another.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Practice limited limitlessness
I have a lot on my chest and more in my head. I'm afraid to take a deep breath because I don't know what's in the air.
"Love thy neighbor," religion preaches to our face, but we're getting stabbed in the back.
Speak your mind or keep your peace, but you'll get ravaged and trampled like how we treat the Middle East.
The blood of the innocents marks a trail of man's march through history. Hegel preached that history was the dialectical movement of God's march through time; but it's not. It's a struggle of human selfish interests against the selfless ones: empathy saves us, but greed rips us apart at the seams. We shouldn't aim to survive and reap a living by stepping on others; helping each other survive will let us all thrive.
The government and court systems can bring down the activists, the geeks, the "freaks," the outspoken lover of Gaia Mother Earth, and the kid who was sexually assaulted. But it won't bring down McMiney-Bags and Big Oil, athletes who bend the rules because they can get away with it.
We preserve a system that has been corrupted by power and greed, plunging us further away from cooperation and coalition building.
Why do we claim success based on material belongings? We measure happiness with dollar signs as we steal resources from indigenous groups and their livelihoods. We deplete the earth through over farming and then claim we didn't know better and it's no irreversible.
These discussions. We need to have them.
"Love thy neighbor," religion preaches to our face, but we're getting stabbed in the back.
Speak your mind or keep your peace, but you'll get ravaged and trampled like how we treat the Middle East.
The blood of the innocents marks a trail of man's march through history. Hegel preached that history was the dialectical movement of God's march through time; but it's not. It's a struggle of human selfish interests against the selfless ones: empathy saves us, but greed rips us apart at the seams. We shouldn't aim to survive and reap a living by stepping on others; helping each other survive will let us all thrive.
The government and court systems can bring down the activists, the geeks, the "freaks," the outspoken lover of Gaia Mother Earth, and the kid who was sexually assaulted. But it won't bring down McMiney-Bags and Big Oil, athletes who bend the rules because they can get away with it.
We preserve a system that has been corrupted by power and greed, plunging us further away from cooperation and coalition building.
Why do we claim success based on material belongings? We measure happiness with dollar signs as we steal resources from indigenous groups and their livelihoods. We deplete the earth through over farming and then claim we didn't know better and it's no irreversible.
These discussions. We need to have them.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
I don't respond well to mixed messages
They tell me I have to be better.
I sit there learning day after day
Spending hours studying, analyzing, rehearsing,
Breathing.
They told me to take a break.
Why? So I can be lapped?
So I can be beaten, burned, surpassed?
So I can lose?
They tell me I have to do better.
How much longer can I sit here
Trying to absorb this profound sense of knowledge?
I've worked so hard, how much more?
Do I dare ask?
They told me I work too hard.
Damn straight I do,
I didn't spend all my time learning,
Working, exercising mind and body,
To be told
"You work too hard, take a break."
I told them they missed the memo.
To stop trying is to stop living,
Struggling to achieve makes the reward
Taste, feel, seem infinitely better.
Don't hand it to me.
Don't stand in my way.
Because I'm like a steamroller,
I will run you down,
And take what I earned.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Disoriented and alone
Two days. That's all I get.
Two days, to be spent with this kid that I've been in love with for three and a half years.
Two days, to lay in bed with my feet on the wall and my head on the mattress, demanding to re-enact the Spider-Man/Mary Jane kiss.
Two days, to feel my hand wrapped tightly in a warm meat blanket of another hand that is just slightly bigger than my own.
Two days, to remember the smoothness of each other's skin and the glorious tickle spots.
Two days, to know that the bed is big enough for two people, but small enough to hold the warmth between us as we whisper to each other in the darkness of two in the morning.
Two days, to get over the disorientation of not seeing each other for a month and begin to remember that our memories extend past the thousands of text messages sent.
Two days, to lose the familiarity of texting and to learn how to function without a phone.
Two days, to be just enough to hold us over for another month, whether we like it or not.
Two days, to be spent with this kid that I've been in love with for three and a half years.
Two days, to lay in bed with my feet on the wall and my head on the mattress, demanding to re-enact the Spider-Man/Mary Jane kiss.
Two days, to feel my hand wrapped tightly in a warm meat blanket of another hand that is just slightly bigger than my own.
Two days, to remember the smoothness of each other's skin and the glorious tickle spots.
Two days, to know that the bed is big enough for two people, but small enough to hold the warmth between us as we whisper to each other in the darkness of two in the morning.
Two days, to get over the disorientation of not seeing each other for a month and begin to remember that our memories extend past the thousands of text messages sent.
Two days, to lose the familiarity of texting and to learn how to function without a phone.
Two days, to be just enough to hold us over for another month, whether we like it or not.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
The things I learn
Last week I competed in my first strongman competition.... and I was the only girl competing.
The one thing I learned from the competition is that even when I feel like I'm strapped to a truck, I know that I can keep moving forward. Even if it's slow and arduous, and the goal seems so damn far away, I can keep going.
The one thing I learned from the competition is that even when I feel like I'm strapped to a truck, I know that I can keep moving forward. Even if it's slow and arduous, and the goal seems so damn far away, I can keep going.
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