Home - La casa - der Haus

Home - la casa - der Haus

Ich fühle mir nicht zu Hause
E questa casa non e` la mia casa

The Home, the transient metaphorical word for describing where you belong.

They say Home is where the heart is,
But the heart is in the body and do you feel like you belong?

Two inches into your chest, bypassing skin, muscles, tendons, and bones,
Does your heart feel like it's beating out "belong"?

Das ist mein Haus, aber es ist kein Haus
Dov'e` la mia casa? Perche` la mia casa non sta li.

My house of a body is doomed to wander - I cannot belong because I do not know how.

If Home is where the heart is, and your heart is in your body, then syllogistic logic reasons that your body is Home.

Ma il mio corpo non e` una casa- it is not a house.

In the strictest of words, my body is a mobile temple of living breathing flesh that doesn't know the word belong.

To live is to exist, but existence does not guarantee living,
Just like a beating heart does not guarantee belonging.

Because Home, der Haus, la casa - la casa non e` tutto il mondo - the house is not the whole world.

But I plan to find it. To belong is the goal to comfort my weary soul.

A little poem to get me through my migraine

I realize I'm a bit off the deep-end, A bit overshadowed.
A little too obsessive, And sometimes a little callow.

I think I'm often a touch out of reach, And maybe a bit cheeky.
A head in the clouds, Perhaps that's why I look a tad peaky.

I seem so far away, And I probably am distant.
At least I'm somewhere here, Albeit a bit resistant.

I notice I'm a bit bias, A bit opinionated.
Quite a bit informed, But often times slated.

I guess I can raise hell, And all sorts of trouble.
But sometimes I clean up, And I do a pretty good job sweeping through the rubble.

Blankets to hide the world

Hiding under the blankets to keep the warmth, as to enter hibernation.

Perhaps the wind and snow and rain and sleet won't see through the cotton sheets.
Maybe they'll just go away, and plan not come back another day.

New plan emerges with the prospect of the elements falling from the sky.

The snow can be the new blankets, to hide the world.
The rain will wash away the anger and the sorrow.
The sleet will beat back all ill wishes.
And the wind, Oh how the wind will howl and blow and swirl those leaves.

Oh how the wind will be the clean-up crew, to let all the snow to hide the nooks and crannies.
To allow the rain to purge even the smallest of crevices.
To permit the sleet to beat back in all the directions.

And just as the wind pushes everything through and away,
It'll push the body to move out of hibernation and into the world.

"Forget perfect, I'm trying not to be worthless..." -Fort Minor

Slap a monetary value to something to consider its worth. The more money that the thing is valued for, the more it's worth.

Slap a monetary value to an animal, and it's a pet under your ownership.

Slap a monetary value to someone, and it's prostitution.

But never mind you bought an animal for the sheer enjoyment of it, like you do for an individual for your sexual gains. But everyone decries prostitution, saying it lack morals and valued judgement.

I didn't realize we put a price tag on judgement.

How do you value yourself if you can't do it the way society values everything else, by money?

The most expensive items in the world have the heftiest price tag, but the most important people you can ever meet come with a simple fee: trust, love, and acceptance. Simple of course is debatable, just like you value self-worth. But if you define your moral code and ethics by Love, and not by greed, you'll see the exact displacement of your worth in one reality and how its suddenly placed and worth more in another.

The debatable quandary

Here I am, stuck in a quandary.
Is it me, or am I losing my humanity?

I see society and it's expectations
Reaching out to envelope me.

Heart scream, "DON'T FORGET."
Brain reasons, "You need a livelihood.
You need to be able to support your dreams."
"Don't leave just yet," my heart screams.
"To conquer those mountains, you need a job.
To fly to the moon, you need to pay."
Rational Brain says I need to stay.

"Forget the job, just run through the trees.
That sound calling you is the wind rustling the leaves."

Silly old heart loves the autumnal breeze.
Silly ol' heart... And that damn rational brain.

The war inside is the product of society,
Where money via capitalism is the key.

It suppresses by nature and kills all joy,
Reminds you that deviation is the devil,
And that the Church wants you to pray.
But I'm society's prey to be stalked upon
And when will it be okay for me to say:

Nah man. I'm the predator.
Beware, for Hell can't touch me, nor will it want to.
And I'm more than some tamed beast.
I will tear you piece by piece.

Welcome back, self. Now take a seat and wait patiently.

Resisting without resisting, gosh that's deep, and these past few days, I've been losing sleep.

I'm struggling to find the middle ground for myself. Working a full time and a part time job, while juggling a relationship with my boy of five years, who's now back in school due to my persistent nagging.

A lot has happened in the past few months. I basically tripped face first into some opportunities, that now leave me with four less teeth (wisdom teeth, to be exact). I met some great new people, but I seemed to have alienated a few as well (I don't think I can ever forgive myself for ruining one of the best friendships I had). I hit a mental block with school and work, but now that I've learned two languages, and continue to learn one of two, I have four different tongues constantly jabbering in my head. Which doesn't ease the seven year stint of migraines. Oh, and I wrote my first thing in months, so there is hope for my deadened creativity, maybe it'll arise a zombie, and eat some colorful brains.

But I understand myself better. Which I guess is good. But I still see myself as a work in progress, which we probably all are, but it's hard to convince myself sometimes (most times) that it's all worth it. People feed me such praise, but I wonder if they see through the facade. But like I said, a lot has happened this past year, and that mirror I used to want to smash is starting to have lighter glint to it.

I know this post doesn't follow the typical rhythm of the others, but you shouldn't care. Because you're thoughts are probably aligned with mine: aren't we all feeling a bit out of time? Deep down, we all battle these indiscriminate insecurities... In one form or another.

Practice limited limitlessness

I have a lot on my chest and more in my head. I'm afraid to take a deep breath because I don't know what's in the air.

"Love thy neighbor," religion preaches to our face, but we're getting stabbed in the back.

Speak your mind or keep your peace, but you'll get ravaged and trampled like how we treat the Middle East.

The blood of the innocents marks a trail of man's march through history. Hegel preached that history was the dialectical movement of God's march through time; but it's not. It's a struggle of human selfish interests against the selfless ones: empathy saves us, but greed rips us apart at the seams. We shouldn't aim to survive and reap a living by stepping on others; helping each other survive will let us all thrive.

The government and court systems can bring down the activists, the geeks, the "freaks," the outspoken lover of Gaia Mother Earth, and the kid who was sexually assaulted. But it won't bring down McMiney-Bags and Big Oil, athletes who bend the rules because they can get away with it.

We preserve a system that has been corrupted by power and greed, plunging us further away from cooperation and coalition building.

Why do we claim success based on material belongings? We measure happiness with dollar signs as we steal resources from indigenous groups and their livelihoods. We deplete the earth through over farming and then claim we didn't know better and it's no irreversible.

These discussions. We need to have them.